Good morning/afternoon/evening, you beautiful people!
Welcome to my annual edition that I release on for birthday!
June 18th was my 20th birthday and for that I am so grateful! I do not take the grace and gift of aging lightly. This is a compilation of the lessons that I have learned so far in my life. I am so grateful to have this platform to share my thoughts, lessons, ideas and passions with you all.
1) It's okay to feel
Actually it's more than okay ,it's human. You have emotions for a reason: guilt, fear, anger, grief, rage, etc are not a negative thing to be ignored and stuffed in a corner. Emotions are a normal human function. In order to avoid malfunction, it is important to allow yourself to feel. Feeling your emotions is such a powerful thing because it is a cleansing process. In order to move through your situation and better understand yourself, you need to allow yourself to feel. Sitting on top of your emotions is like sitting on a bomb, eventually it will blow and unfortunately you cannot control when, where or how your emotions will unveil. It is best to slowly process your emotions as opposed to completely avoid them, this is a lesson that I am still learning.
2) Take extra time with those that you love
You, as a human being are not in control of someone's lifespan, that is between them and God. I am a firm believer of just loving, taking that extra time with those that you love because you can never be sure if it will be your last moment with them. I realized this when my mom got sick and would walk me to the main road, she would walk a lot slower than usual. At first it was tempting to ask her to walk a little faster so that I would not be late. Then I realized that I would rather be late for class than leave my mother breathless and sad. I realized that I would rather make sure that my mom was okay than be on time. I came to this conclusion because I thought that if anything were to happen to my mom because I had rushed her, I would live with that guilt for the rest of my life. Even just ending things on a good note became extremely important to me. I wanted to be sure that I did my best and became my most patient when I was tempted to act otherwise. So take this as sign to be gentle with those that you love and stay true to what is truly important, some things in life can wait. Life is a precious gift from God, let's not forget that.
3) Your intuition is a gift from God
Ever get a gut feeling? When you know that something is wrong or that something would happen? That's what I call the, 'God in you', or what some people refer to as common sense but what is common to one is not common to all. See that knowledge as a gift and treat it as such. Nurture it through obedience, if you lean in and learn to listen to that still voice inside ,you will be happier, wiser and avoid all kinds of aches.
4) It's more than okay to be ambitious
Growing up, being an ambitious girl was seen as a negative thing. Boys and girls never seemed to like that (among other things) about me. I was determined and I knew exactly what I wanted out of my academic experience. Knowing what you want and being willing to put in the work is an amazing quality and not one that is reserved for a particular gender or career path. It is more than okay to be a go-getter.
5) Love yourself
Wow! Self-love, again, Ruthy! Yes, again and again, over and over, I will never grow tired of this point. Why, because I have yet to master it and because it's that important. Self-love is not a face mask or a bubble bath. Self-love is practicing shadow work because you know that you need to work on your bad habits and toxic traits. Self-love is allowing yourself to establish boundaries with people and learn to say ,"NO!", because you want and need to. Self-love is holding yourself accountable for your actions and for your own life. Self-love has such depth that it is something that needs to be revisited often because at times it is the areas of our life that we are neglecting and refusing to look at, that need to receive the most love from, us to ourselves.
6) It's okay to love and let go
Love is such a beautiful thing. Being loved and loving another is such an incredible experience in this life. Sometimes those we love are not meant to remain for the long haul. You need to be able to let them go, for your own health, safety, freedom and sanity. It's okay to love someone from a distance, to speak to them occasionally or not at all. You are not an alien or a cruel person for protecting yourself. Love can sometimes hurt and that does not mean that what you had was not real, in fact it means the opposite. It was real and completely valid but you matter too. You cannot be blamed for the actions of another person. So love and let go, do not burden yourself with the impossible task of trying to change or save someone, only Jesus can do that.
7) It's okay to be a loner
In middle school, I did not fit it and I struggled immensely with not having a sense of belonging. Now that I am in college, I am learning to be completely okay with being by myself. I am learning to bring a book, bring my earphones, my diary too! Being alone does not mean that I am lonely. Most of all what I am guarding against is a change in character. When I become aware that the person that I am around does not embody who I am or who I would like to become, I distance myself. The truth is that you will find yourself changing and you will not even notice, your mind will change overtime, your values too. So guard your circle of influence with your life because it is that important!
8) Your journey is not black and white
Your journey will not look like anyone else's because you are unique and so is your purpose and your value. Your journey is not linear, there is no one straight path to success, love and God's will for your life. Do not allow anyone to discourage you and derail you.
9) Following a routine can be a lifeline
Life is unpredictable, one day it's up and then the next, life is plummeting like it's never known the sun. To help prevent going on a wild ride along with life, follow a daily routine. Immerse yourself in doing a set number of things that future you will thank you for.
10) Have a hobby that you practice solo
This is something that I still working on but it is so important to have at least just one thing that you do by yourself, for fun. This will build your independence and help you to embrace solitude. It is dangerous to be needy and too attached to human contact. It is important that you take out time intentionally to do an activity that you like without needing the accompaniment of another person. This builds your confidence and helps you to learn to like yourself because you are spending the rest of your life with yourself, after all!
11) Exercise
Well, I am sure that we have all heard this one. Exercise for long life, good health, strong bones and a good physique. So I won't tell you what you may already know. I just want to encourage you to not take movement for granted. It's spoken about so much in the media, that it even feels like an obsession. To be thin, to be fit, to have abs and still look like a Barbie doll, all at the same time. For me I think that it's personal, it is between you and yourself. Whether you want to lose weight, gain muscle, develop a better relationship with food and your body. Whatever it may be, it is completely valid and I want you to not to give up because of society's messed up view and toxic obsession with 'health'. You are worthy of improving yourself. It is not a crime to gain or lose weight. Here's your reminder not to be a couch potato 🥔!
12) Go for regular check-ups
Do not fear the doctor! Do not only go to the hospital when there is an emergency. Regular check-ups can save your life and your pocket too!
13) Be by the book
In my society I feel that helping a friend has gone too far. I truly believe that it is good to help and be a blessing when you can but I believe that it is important to follow the rules. Rules are there for a reason, they are there to protect you and to maintain order in society. I believe that it is so important to be by the book because it will save you from pain and destruction. College has really taught me that because there is a culture of copying work and asking for answers and that can land a student in a lot of trouble. It has truly shown me the importance of being a law abiding citizen.
14) Do not be in a hurry
If you are not sure of what to do, do not do anything. You will find that you aren't really as pressed to do something as you may believe, sometimes the answer comes in the stillness. Focus on doing the next right thing, one step at a time. Focus on putting one foot in front of the other and don't rush anything. Too many mistakes are made in a haste.
15) It's okay to change
I am someone who prides herself in being the same, constant, safe. I realized while this is all good, it's more than okay to change what I want. We are not trees, destined to stay put, being strong and unyielding. We are humans, we grow and with growth comes change. Embrace it, don't fear it!
16) It's okay to want more
Wanting more from life is not a bad thing. I feel that sometimes wanting more is seen as being ungrateful. I feel that it is the complete opposite, it can actually boost your productivity. It positions you to receive more from life because you are open and willing to all that God has to give to you. I believe that wanting more from life is such a brave thing. It is more than okay, it is more than valid to want more from life.
17) Maintainance is more important than obtaining
Attaining what you desire is not easy, it takes courage, faith and so much work. Maintaining what you want to attain is where the real work begins, it takes so much more effort. Do not overlook the power of maintenance.
18) Discover yourself- do not revolve around one thing like the earth does the sun
Your needs, your interests. Do not let your life revolve around one person, one company or on one thing. Discover yourself and set yourself free. Discover what you truly value, not just the values of others. You matter! It's important to get to know yourself because things change and when they do, your world may fall apart. Your life needs to be independent not codependent, this allows you to be truly free because you cannot easily be swayed nor controlled.
19) Get out of your comfort zone, intentionally
We all have fears, areas in our lives and situations that makes us uncomfortable. I believe that it is important to work to overcome them. For me taking public transportation is something that makes me nervous, which is strange because when I lived in the Western Cape, I was completely at peace. Since I moved I feel nervous because things work differently here and there is a language barrier. Everyday when I go to school, I am constantly pushing myself out of my comfort zone and I am so proud because one day I know that it won't be as nerve wrecking. So I urge to do something that will push you outside of your comfort zone as it will help you to grow.
20) Prepare: Destiny honours the prepared and the courageous
Luck is when preparation meets opportunity. We all have dreams, goals and aspirations in life, with patience, opportunities will arise. It is so important to prepare for when that time will arise. Believe in what you desire by preparing for what you are asking for.
That's it from me for now, I will expand on each lesson in July!
Have an amazing weekend!
All my love 💜
Ruthy
