March Reflections

Good morning/afternoon/evening, you beautiful people!

It is the beginning of a new month, a new school term. How did we get here?! 😂

Now that the first three months of the year are over, it is time for me to collect myself and forge ahead but first let's look at the month that was and lessons that the month of March have taught me. 

1) Focus on yourself 

 So many things happen in our lives and at times it feels like we are driving a car with no brakes. Life moves on without you and it's your responsibility to keep up and be on top of your responsibilities as a human being. I know just how tempting it is to allow your problems at home to consume you and become not just your world but your entire universe. While this feeling is normal, it will NOT help you at all. Not even short term! You have to focus on yourself. You cannot make your problems at home, your whole world. Especially because all this won't matter nearly as much in 5 years time. You matter, your future, your goals, your dreams. Do not carry the weight of your family problems and drop your own responsibilities. It is not easy to do but it is possible, so please focus on yourself and what you CAN do. You are worth it! 💖

2) Nurture your current relationships

  I hurt my younger sister's feelings, just the other day. I was careless with my words and I asked her to, "please go away". I did not think much of my request because I wanted space and looking back, I realised just how wrong I was. I had forgotten what it was like to be 10 and want to be involved and liked and not constantly told to leave. It's not just about how you say something, it's also what you say that matters too! I am mentioning this, in order to help myself take more care of my relationships. Relationships are beautiful and take work. Remember to look after your relationships, especially with someone who looks up to you. It's not just about you and your feelings, your loved ones' feelings matters too. ❤️

This is a reminder to me(and any older siblings) to work on being a better older sibling. If you and your sibling/s take care of this relationship, it can be such a beautiful lifelong relationship💕. 

3) When you pray for rain, bring an umbrella 

This means that you should have faith in what you are praying for. It means that you are to prepare, even if what you are praying for looks unlikely. When there is not a grey cloud in the sky, bring your umbrella☔.  Have faith and prepare for what you are praying for.

4) Journal

It's important to journal even when you do not feel like it. It helps you to see where you are at mentally and to document your life. It's incredible looking back at some of older journal entries and being so shocked at my mental headspace and realizing that life did get better, even when it felt like it was all going to end at that time. Sometimes reading a previous journal entry on a difficult day, makes me smile because remembering whatever made my day in that entry makes me know that a better day will come. 

https://pin.it/2ngwbpHBb

 Pic Author credit: zoecwaikel 

5) It's okay to pray about the little things

Coming to God in prayer is not just reserved for the big things such as passing your upcoming exam or for His protection. God is the absolute best listener because He is the only one who knows exactly what you are going to say and He still listens. It's okay to come to Jesus, with the smallest of grievances, for He hears us when we call. He knows your name and he sees each tear that falls, in fact it says in Psalm 56:8, that He collects our tears in His bottle. God has great compassion on us and wants us to come to Him. In Philippians 4:19 - 20, it says that God will supply all our needs according to His riches and glory, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus. Imagine we have a father who owns cattle on a thousand hills! (Psalms 50:9 - 12, I would like you to read through it). God is the Creator of it all, thus He lacks nothing, so ask and you shall receive, knock and the door will be opened to you. Seek and you wiil find.

I pray that the month of April will be filled with blessing and God's abundance of favour, grace and mercy, may He open doors for us that no man can shut and may we prepare for them! 

Question of the week: What have the first three months of this year taught you? 

Happy Easter Sunday! He is Risen ❣️✝️

All my love ❤️

Ruthy

Dear Fatherless Daughter/Son❤️ part 2

Good morning/afternoon/evening, you beautiful people!

We are back for part 2 because you know that I love a good series!

Picking up where we (emotionally) left off last week. I actually took my own advice (for once!) and what an emotional week it has been!

I had a conversation with my mother earlier this week and throughout the conversation, I mentioned that I have daddy issues and  my mom's response was so pivotal. She said that I have a daddy and he has issues. That is so emotional to me because I know the pain of feeling flawed or never enough because my father never stayed. Beginning the journey to healing is painful because I know that I have to because I want to heal.

You are not the problem that you struggle with. You are not the hurt, the pain or the abandonment. Do not describe yourself as such, rather remove yourself from the issue, admitting that it still exists but not allowing it to alter your value or being. I have a daddy and he has issues and that has hurt me but with God's grace and work, I will heal. I am not a woman with daddy issues but rather a woman who has a father with issues, notice the difference? 

Doing my own homework this week was so hard because I was sad for almost the whole week! Truly, it was weird, not pretending to be happy all the time. I also joined my college's choir and it has been such a sanctuary, (if you can't already tell by the almost 60 000 minutes that I spent on Spotify last year! 😂❤️). I truly love music and the performing arts. I am able to immerse myself in this world where nothing else matters except the song that I am learning or the character that I am potraying or the script that I am writing. 

I love how it's such a safe place that allows me to improve, to practice an art that I love but it is also an environment that allows me to come as I am. It is such a beautiful and safe outlet and I am so grateful for it.

We all have an outlet, be it good or bad. I implore you to find and cultivate yourself to find healthier coping mechanisms and stress relievers. I know from experience that sometimes all you want to is peace, safety, love and to be able to forget all the pain if only for a short period of time. Know that feeling this way is completely normal, expect it, don't fight it. Rather find ways to heal, without running away because when you run and skip steps, life makes you trip later on. It's not always worth it. 

Please know that this differs depending on your situation and if your life or sanity, or safety are being threatened, don't stay under the guise of 'self-development' or 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger'. Sometimes what doesn't kill you, leaves you mentally ill, we don't talk about this enough. 

Let's continue with our homework from last week, I believe that it will help us, eventually! Homework of week: Do your best this week to leave fear behind and allow yourself to grieve, without the fear of being broken but let's also find a healthier outlet and perhaps rediscover our passions, even if we are afraid. 

Let's talk again, on Sunday 💕. 

All my love❤️

Ruthy 

Dear Fatherless Daughter/Son❤️

Good morning/afternoon/evening, you beautiful people!

honestly I wish that I could hug the person who wrote this because it perfectly describes where I am at in life.

While, hi, my name is Ruthy and I have daddy issues. (feels like I am in a Daddy Issues Anonymous Group! )

I initially knew what I wanted to say to you all but words have failed me. Which is surprising because writing is my best form of communicating and conveying my feelings, thoughts and prayers. 

I had a grand letter prepared in mind but as I lie in bed writing to you, all I feel is deep sorrow. So, firstly, I want to say, I am so sorry for all the pain and loneliness that you have had to endure. I want you to understand that it's not your fault, it never has been and it never will be. 

I want you to know that it's okay to feel sad. It's more than okay to wish or have wished for a different story. It's okay to wish for a better ending, it's okay to grieve never have been loved the way that you needed to be. It's okay to feel this way and still choose to believe that somehow your parent did their best, even if their best was not a story with you. That doesn't reflect on you. 

My Dearest, that doesn't reflect your worth nor your value. For these are not tied to our family relations, else we all would be doomed! As you grow older, you decide who you want to be. I understand the hurt, the pain, the rage, the disappointment and I need you to feel it. Feel it all, allow yourself to cry every night for several nights on end, if that's what you need to do. But don't fight for someone's love, as you grow, learn to choose yourself. 

It's okay to still miss whatever memories that you may have shared. It's okay to cherish them in a little old box of memories and it's even more okay to not have any. It's okay if your story is not the cookie cutter definition of what it means to not have a parent. Perhaps they are still alive, perhaps they are not. Perhaps you still communicate in some way, perhaps you do not. 

This seems like such a random conversation on windy Sunday night but I am speaking to myself and I know my human experience is in no way unique, meaning that someone out there is going through what I am. In light of this I want you to know that you need to process your hurt in order to heal. Time doesn't always heal, it decays too if you do not deal with what hurts you. Please kindly, allow yourself to be without judgement. 

You are worthy, don't deny yourself of what you deserve or need out of fear of repeating the pattern that you have seen. You can choose differently❤️. 

Instead of a question of the week, I'll leave you with homework of week: Do your best this week to leave fear behind and allow yourself to grieve, without the fear of being broken. Let's talk again, next Sunday 💕. 

All my love

Ruthy ❤️

February Reflections

Good morning/afternoon/evening, you beautiful people! 

 Welcome back to my monthly lesson review, where I share how my month went, importantly I also share the lessons that I have learnt. February was quite a challenging month in my life but with challenges come lessons and the opportunity to grow into a better person, so here's what the month of February has taught me: feel free to share what you have learnt or experienced as well! 

Take it one day at a time

When life feels heavy, give yourself the grace to just take it 24 hours at a time. Ask yourself, "what do I need to do within the next 24 hours in order to make my life easier". It is so easy to feel the weight of the world and all of life's responsibilities. Especially as a young woman who is still finding her way in the world. Making the transition from a child to an adult is not easy and at times, it can feel overwhelming but take courage and learn to take life 24 hours at a time, when you need to. 

Be proud of yourself

This has been such a huge lesson. As growing up, I really sought outward validation. I would not feel as content with myself and my accomplishments and how far I had come, if someone did not validate my achievement. I believe that it is important to be validated by your loved ones as I think that it is a human need; to be seen and heard but I do believe that we are most powerful when we appreciate and validate ourselves. 

It's okay to cry

This is a lesson that I am still learning. Emotions are apart of what it is to be human. It's okay to feel, it's okay to feel hurt and sad. It is so important to be able to express these emotions. For the longest time I tried so hard to hide my emotions. The ones that I felt seemed too much. My joy, my excitement and my sorrow. Now at the age of 21, I am learning to know that it's okay to express my emotions, I am learning that it is safe to express my emotions. So, now I allow myself to cry, to feel what I feel and not to condemn myself for being unable to be like a robot, who has no emotion or capacity to love. 

It's okay feel overwhelmed 

Tying in with my first point, overwhelm is a apart of life. It should not be the norm because living in a heightened state of stress is unhealthy but it's okay to feel this way. The world is not going to end and you are not going to die. Breathe and do the next right thing. If that is taking a nap, honey, grab your pillow and get some zzzz but if the next right thing is pushing through your emotions and finishing your task at hand, then do so.  The right thing doesn't always feel peaceful and calm. Sometimes it involves waving war with your safety mechanisms and your narrative, in order to achieve growth. It won't be easy but know that life is not linear and neither are your emotions. 

It's okay to be frustrated even when you are blessed 

To be blessed by God is such a beautiful thing but the presence of blessings does not mean the absence of pressure. It's okay to feel the heat but know that we serve a God who can bring us out of the fire without the smell of smoke. 

I took a screenshot of this quote from the mother herself, Mrs Rachel Kolisi. I honestly admire her so much! 

Pray, always

If you know me, you know how big I am on prayer. Without God, I am nothing. I am a living testament to His goodness and love. Always pray even if you are at a loss of words and all that you can mumble are tears. Never stop coming to Jesus, regardless of your situation. 

Fortune honours the brave

I heard this quote from my mom and it has stuck with me, ever since. Life is short, love is too rare, sometimes opportunities come once in a lifetime. Those who are deemed "lucky" are people who prepare for opportunity and when it comes(because it will come) are brave enough to go after what they want and need. 

Question of the week: How can you honour yourself? 

All my love 💕

Ruthy