Suicide Prevention Month: You are not alone

Good morning/afternoon/evening, you beautiful people!

TW: THIS POST MENTIONS SUICIDE 

It is World Suicide Prevention Day today and in light of this, here's my annual love letter to those struggling. 

This is such a broad and unique experience. I do not know what you have been through or how long you have been fighting this battle. I do empathise, as someone who has had many struggles and battled with suicidal ideation. I know how it feels to believe that perhaps leaving this world will put an end to all my sorrow and pain. 

I have never attempted suicide because I am afraid of pain. I always wondered what if I actually don't succeed in killing myself and I terribly injure myself instead. Would I be okay to live with the guilt and discomfort of this new life? I always wondered what more could there be for me? I have always believed in the saying, "beauty for ashes." I told myself that I have so much ash, why don't I wait and see what beauty God will bring? I know that I was not born to suffer and die. 

Perhaps one day, I'll share my full story and why I decided to live. 

Today I want you to believe that there will be more. To believe that this is not the end. To believe that one day, you'll laugh and it will actually be real. 

I know how overwhelmed you may feel but take heart. I believe that God did not bring you into this world to be a martyr but to shine for His Glory. 

I never intended to be this radical Christian Blogger but my faith in Christ is a huge reason why I am still here. I believe that even through the valleys, God has never left me. Yes, many things in life may have happened but humans having the beautiful, dangerous gift of free will does not make God any less present or powerful. Please know that♥️. 

Question of the week: Why do you live? 

I'll go first! 

I live because I dream of my own home. My beautiful home that I designed. My vegetable garden and my patch of grass and my fragrant petunia flowers. I promised myself that I'll live and give myself that♥️. I want to be a teacher. I want to make a difference. When I think about the younger version of myself and how school was my safe place. I would like to help provide that to someone else. The gift of being able to learn and grow in a safe environment with safe people. I think about the day I'll receive my own paycheck. My own hard earned money. The day I become a financially independent woman. I know that I'll want to live to see that day! Among a few other reasons, this is why I live. Perhaps along the way I'll learn to love, appreciate myself more. Perhaps I'll fall in love, discover an awesome album... I live for the hope of it all. I keep striving because little me is deserving of it all, so why wouldn't I be deserving now as an adult? 

Please make use of this, if you need it. A problem shared with the right person helps to lighten the load 🙏

I hope that moving forward we begin to talk more openly about this because it is apart of the human experience. The more we are able to discuss and educate ourselves and each other on topics such as these, the more we will able to heal. Suffering only increases in secret. 

Every 40 seconds someone loses their life to suicide. I believe that this is a conversation worth having. 

All my love♥️

Ruthy