lessons 2023 has taught me

Good morning/afternoon/evening, you beautiful people!

As the year draws to a close I am looking back at the year that was before I look towards the year that will be.

2023 was quite a year! Every month felt twice as long for me and this year felt so slow but now looking back I cannot believe that it is over! 

1) Build a routine 

Going into the new year this is quite a popular trend. New routine, new you! While this post is just in time for the 2024 new year, this lesson can be applied whenever but the sooner you hone it, the better. Getting to know yourself, what works best for you and how to go about your day and week in a way that is most productive for you and your lifestyle is crucial to success, even sanity. Your routine does not have to look like anyone else's, in fact it's ideal that your routine is specifically tailored to you and your needs and goals. To me a routine does not always have to time-based, if something does not work for  me in the mornings, I'll shift it to my evening routine and see how it fits for me. Tailor it as you go along but start anyway. Building a routine helps you to be prepared.

2) Start studying early on in the academic year

This was such a huge lesson for me this year. Do not wait until exams are around the corner to start reviewing and revising your content. Start early in the academic year and don't sit with concepts that you do not understand. Don't be afraid to ask your teacher, even if you are the only one who didn't get it. Make use of YouTube, that app is honestly life-changing! When I finally started watching YouTube videos, I was so sad that I had not started sooner. 

3) Be honest about your likes, wants and needs

This lesson may seem obvious but I believe that it's necessary to mention because I struggle with this. The best way to live is to live an honest life, just be yourself. As a human being, it is only natural to have needs, wants, likes and dislikes. It's okay to honest about them! 

4)Prepare, prepare, prepare!

I do not think that you can ever be overprepared. In fact I believe that preparation means that you respect yourself, those who you will work with and the task at hand. Preparation allows you to be your best self and avoid unnecessary embarrassment. So, take time out to find out what is necessary and how to show up in life, as your most prepared self!

5) Learn to drown out the noise

Everyone has options, as they are rightfully entitled to but you have to learn how not to listen to everyone that has a mouth and everything that can make noise. This takes practice and incredible discipline but once you can master this you will have more peace in your life. 

6) Give things time 

Life is full of ups and downs, ins and outs. Just give things time, nothing ever lasts forever. I know that whatever you are feeling may overtake your world and you may feel like your ocean of emotion will last forever but I can assure you that it will not even if salt water is you can taste, smell and see. This also applies to decisions, give things time. Take your time, don't rush to make decisions, sometimes letting things play out instead of making a decision in a haste can help you to see the pros and cons before fully committing yourself.

7) Live your own life

As a young person, it is quite easy to be attached to who your parents are. I feel that as we grow older, we should become less attached to who our parents are and focus more on who we are as individuals and develop that more. I believe that it is important to develop yourself, your skills, your own likes and dislikes; who are you choosing to become? 

8) The Importance of Adulting 

I am in my second year of college, this is the last time that I am saying this🙏! Next year I will be my third and final year and I am so grateful for my progress and growth, God's goodness and His faithfulness. This year, I turned 21, which is a huge milestone for me. I realized that now as a legal adult I have to live up to it. This means making formal appointments, showing up on time, dressing appropriately as an adult, being able to read a room, thinking about my career and putting things in place to become an independent woman. I feel that these things and more are crucial to becoming an adult and this year I started working on them and embracing adulthood but also womanhood. I have always looked forward to being an adult and I am so grateful to finally be 21 but it also comes with the responsibility to take care of myself, be a responsible citizen and exercise and protect my autonomy.

9) Pray

I am sure that by now you all know that I am a Christian, so I firmly believe in prayer. For me, it's about maintaining a relationship with my Creator. It doesn't have to be fancy, some days, I literally just pray Our Father, the Lord's Prayer or say Hail Mary, Full of Grace... I am not Catholic but my mom was raised in the Catholic church so I am quite comfortable and familiar with Catholic prayers. Prayer is not about you, there are so many times where I am afraid to pray because of my sin but that's a lie we come to Jesus because of who He is and what He has done for us. He is enough, so we are enough. He is worthy so we are worthy! Remember that, sweeties😊!

10) Music

Coming from me, this point should come as no surprise. Especially since I spent a whopping +59000 minutes on Spotify! To say that music has been such a huge pillar this year would be an understatement. I am one of those people who cannot study in silence, even working in complete silence is weird for me. I truly value the upliftment that music brings me, it encourages me and keeps me going. I can shut out the rest of the world and focus on the feelings that the music bring me. I can forget about my struggles and pains and be in the moment. (Currently I don't have my phone, but once I get it fixed, I will link my top songs for 2023 and perhaps you'll find a gem or two! )

11) Never lose hope

This is such a typical message, I hear especially now, with war and so many things happening. Fear of everything and with all the bad happening in today's world it can feel overwhelming. Like the world is only getting darker. I implore you to feel hope anyway. Don't give in to feelings of hopelessness and despair. Continue to be the good that you wish to see in the world. Continue to work towards your dreams, goals, passions and purpose. Continue praying and looking toward God, even though the end may be near and we do not know the hour nor the day;each day God wakes you up, know He is not done with you and therefore have courage and hope. 

12) Do more of what makes you happy

We are all different, made beautifully in God's image. We all have different likes and dislikes, one thing that I wish I did differently this year was do more of what l love, without the feeling of needing a buddy. I will definitely work on this next year, and I will report on it, this time next year. 

What has 2023 taught you?

May 2024 make our dreams come true and may the tears that we have shed water the plants of next year's produce❤️! Happy New Year, Friends!

All my love ❤️

Ruthy

Before the New Year Begins🩷...

Good morning/afternoon/evening, you beautiful people!

NB. These numbers are for South Africa, respectively

Photo Credit: instagram.com/levern_jose

The festive time is such a beautiful time but it can also be such a violent and triggering time. With it being Christmas Eve ,we are only about halfway through the holidays, being in an oppressive or violent situation makes time slow. 

My heart goes out to anyone who is experiencing any type of abuse and those whose mental health suffers greatly during the holidays. 

For me the festive season is always bittersweet. Two years ago, I lost my dog on December 8th, due to him being poisoned. The holidays do not always sit well with me because there have some very difficult years during this time and I always find myself unsure of how to approach all this extra time that I have on my hands. 

I, myself struggle so I cannot say that I have made it on the other side or that just having gratitude takes away all the trauma, the pain and hurt. What I do want you to do is feel. Allow yourself to feel whatever you feel, all without demonizing your human experience and emotions.  

Take it slowly, step-by-step, hour by hour, day by day. If you need to call any of the numbers above, please do so! 

2023 was quite a year, allow yourself to process the year that is and was before rushing to plan and push for the year to come.

All my love♥️

Ruthy

My Thoughts on Miss Universe South Africa 2023 and the Miss South Africa Organization

Good morning/afternoon/evening, you beautiful people!

I am only now coming off the annual high that Miss Universe 🌌 gives me! I would first off like to say how proud I am of Bryoni, she truly represented South Africa well, especially considering how oddly quiet she was during  the build-up to Miss Universe. She pleasantly surprised me. There are certain things that I cannot stop thinking about and knowing myself, once I write about it, I will finally be able to move on! 

I truly believe, if you like someone, you cannot be afraid to critique them, especially when done in love, coming from a good place. So here is my bone to pick with South Africa's Miss Universe representative. 

When Bryoni introduced her advocacy, I was so excited! Having experienced and witnessed this kind of violence, her message hit home and it felt incredible to see someone caring. But most importantly someone who was going to do something to help. 

I was quickly disappointed when she seemed to not have a deep understanding of the severity of the advocacy that she has chosen. Even going has far as to mention the names of the dead! I expected her to come fully prepared when she unveiled her advocacy. Having such a beautiful name, HerWayOut, is so touching because that's all women in abusive relations want, their way out. 

I thought that she would use her legal knowledge and connections to create a website where she can have Q and A and answer legal questions pertaining to abusive relationships and the children caught inbetween. A website that give tips and knowledge such as, the fact that you need to be escorted to a shelter by either a social worker or the police. Knowing such things can be valuable information to a woman planning to make her escape.

I would love to see her go to shelters and meet the women there and offer some legal advice and hope. I know from personal experience that seeing another woman of colour who is educated, empowered and beautiful would have been so encouraging. Seeing so much violence and despair can make a better life seem like a Mission Impossible movie, only I am not Tom Cruise. 

Considering that this is such a sensitive topic, why the silence? We want action, not selfies. I know that there is still next year but between December and February, so much occurs. It is such a dangerous and vulnerable time for women who are affected by violence. This is the time to be active and present, there is so much to do! These actions do not have to be vast or expensive but caring, intentional and consistent. 

Going to shelters with someone dressed up as Santa, a wonderful Christmas playlist and a lovely festive party filled with cake, chips and sweets and a wonderful nutritional meal, that will leave everyone needing doggy bags! 

Giving the women and children, a shoe box filled with toothpaste, their very own toothbrush, an outfit, a snack, lotion and a sweet message.  Making a list filled with children's shoe sizes and coming back in January with school bags and school shoes, it's things like these that make such a big difference and help curb the statistics. 

I do not understand why take on such a sensitive advocacy, only to continue posting pictures as normal.

She has so much access to sponsors and people who would be willing to help. As a marketer, I know that brands doing charity is a beautiful thing that also benefits them so much. 1) They get tax cuts for donating  to the needy and running programs such as foundations, etc. 2) It is great publicity and pr because when we as customers see a brand in a positive light , we are more lightly to develop interest and support them financially.  

I do not see brands like Woolworths declining her offer because they are already doing amazing things by donating food to shelters. The access to sponsors is there, the platform is there but the willingness seems to be lacking.  

I am extremely disappointed because I had hoped that this time it would be different because I have seen this story before. Beauty queen hopefuls come and make grand promises, start advocacies and foundations that they leave high and dry once they gain the public eye that they so dearly want. Then what becomes of the social ills that they claimed to want to help irradiate? 

As for the Miss SA Organization, why is only one beauty queen's advocacy being fully supported and broadcast to the public?

I hope to see this change in future!

All my love

Ruthy♥️

Dear Reader🩷

Good morning/afternoon/evening, you beautiful people! 

This time of year is almost always bittersweet for me. I personally know what's to like to experience violence and I know that this time of year is when violence is especially heightened. 

To anyone experiencing violence, whether currently or those who are currently experiencing the aftermath through trauma: 

This year, I just want to say thank you, thank you for staying alive. If you are/have experienced abuse, thank you for being here. I know that seeing so much violence and despair can make a better life seem like a Mission Impossible movie, only you are not Tom Cruise!

December 10th is International Human Rights Day and I feel that it's important to remember that women's rights are human rights. 

I want you to know that you are not alone. I want you to know that you are seen, heard and loved by God. 

I want you to not blame yourself nor any sin that you have committed as a reason to endure this mistreatment. 

I want you to know that leaving is an option and that you deserve better. You do! You do not deserve to hit by anyone. You do not deserve to carry anyone's emotional baggage. 

Abuse is not just scars and bruises, abuse comes in several forms:

🩷mental

🩷physical

🩷financial 

🩷sexual 

🩷emotional

Life is meant to be lived not survived through. I want you to know that you are worthy of every good thing and that you can start over, it's never too late. 

Love yourself more than you do your abuser and the endless cycle of pain, love, then pain all over again.

My last post on 16 days of Activism + my advice 🩷

I will edit and repost my Abuse In-Depth Series later this week and I definitely will continue to write them because I feel that it's important. It's important to openly discuss abuse and what it entails and how to break free from it. Importantly, we as a society have to destigmatize abuse and stop blaming the victims, as that makes the situation worse, rather than better. 

I felt like I was supposed to write to someone going through abuse today and so that is what I did, I did not really know what to say but I hope that what I have written has helped someone, even if only one woman. 

All my love 

Ruthy♥️

To God's Strongest Soliders Feeling At Their Wits End Around Exam Time ♥️

Good morning, afternoon/ evening, you beautiful people!

I wrote this last month and it did not make the cut to be posted because I was extremely busy and stressed, this may come a little late as I am writing my last exam this week and most students have already ready finished writing, however I still feel the need to post this. 

Please take whatever you need from this💜

If you have chosen to become educated. Choosing this path is not for everyone and that is completely okay but if you have chosen to become educated; then this is for you❤️

I am right in the middle of exam season and right in the middle of battle, so it seems. 

There is so much noise and chaos in my head, so many expectations, from myself and from others as well. The more that I pondered about my struggles, my plight and what felt like the great burden upon my shoulders, the heavier I felt.

But I soon came to realize that the burdens of my heart stemmed from societal pressure and academic validation and not from wanting to be my best and truly know my content.

Upon realizing this I have released the burden of academic validation. I now value my knowledge, to me that is what makes education something that no one can take away from me. I just want to do my very best and show up consistently for myself, then for others. 

To me, being able to fully understand, teach and apply the principles that I have learnt and am learning as a marketer is so much more valuable to me than an A. 

Remember that your results are based on so many factors such as, the type of person who marks your paper, what topics are included and excluded in your paper, how well or poorly you revised, how nervous you were, your home/study environment, the list is endless but so is your potential! 

I want you to value being an educated man or woman and truly understand what that means to you. To me it means being able to understand the wants and needs of a market and being able to sell a product or service profitably while still practicing social corporate responsibility. I value being able to ignite a passion in others studying my course and show them that it isn't hard and rather can be enjoyed instead of feared. I truly have developed a passion for what I do and for me that provides so much joy and purpose that it eases away my worry. 

I have done what I can do, I will continue to do what I can do, studying and burning the midnight oil. But after this week is over and I have concluded my second year of college, I leave it all in God's capable hands. I saw this quote on Instagram that said, ' The God of Elijah is the God of your grades too', the same God Almighty holds your future. Do not become discouraged, continue studying and give the rest to God♥️. 

2024 will be beautiful 🌱, let's carry on, the finish line is within reach!

All my love ♥️

Ruthy