April Reflections

Good morning/afternoon/evening, you beautiful people! 

April has been a month of many lows and a few highs and this is what the month that is now drawing to close has taught me❤️

Let go of the need to be right and seen and heard for the wrong reasons 

This is such a difficult ask. I, myself know just how painful it can be to do something just because it is the right thing to do. To just want to be of service and to watch someone who is doing the exact opposite get all the validation and praise. But remember that we apply the golden rule. We treat others as we want to be treated, remembering that life is a wheel. One day it will turn. What you are doing to or for others has already been done to you. So, if you have/are experiencing this, focus on your why and if you realize that maybe you are not doing it for the right reasons, you can always take a step back and reevaluate. ❤️

You can let go of something that you truly want if it is not working, even if it's difficult, it's doerable 

I know that many people don't start anything with an expiry date in mind. I know that I didn't! I strongly valued the fact that I saw things through no matter how difficult. I later realized, after seeking council, just how foolish I was. Working myself to the ground and wanting to fight battles that God did not send to fight and win is asking for trouble. In light of this, know that's more than okay to walk away from something that is not working, even if you love it. Even though you came in with the right intentions and a pure heart. Don't make yourself the sacrificial lamb, let it go! It will be painful but nothing hurts more than seeing something fall apart and watching yourself fall apart along with it because you didn't walk away sooner, yet you could have. So, take this as a sign to walk away from something that isn't working, especially if you have tried. It's time to put all that energy into yourself. 

It's okay to let someone go (even if you still love them and wish that things were different)

It's important to face the truth about someone and how they see and value you. I know first-hand how painful this can be. It hurts so much realizing that someone does not love you in the way that you need to be loved. It hurts to realise that despite everyone's voice, as an adult making our own choices are our responsibility and if  that's a future without them in it, then it's okay. It's more okay to make this choice because you matter, your health matters, your sanity matters and your future matters. Does this person truly value any of these important things in the way that they should? 

It's okay to quit 

It's okay to walk away. Choosing yourself is not selfish, it's self-care. 

Never leave the alter 

What I mean by this is to never stop praying. Even if it looks like what you want from the Messiah is like asking for a long lost train that has left the station. Keep on, keeping on. With your mustard seen faith, never leave the alter.

You have to fight self-sabotage, there's no other way but through 

I have struggled and still do struggle with self-sabotage. I tend to leave things before they leave me. I don't give things a proper chance to fail or succeed organically. I realized this when I wanted to quit choir and go home for the weekend. I was unsure if I would make the cut, to be chosen as a chorister and that feeling was scary. I wanted to run so badly, to make the 'safe' decision and quit. It put me back in control of the situation. I realized that I do this with many other situations. I want to feel safe and I want to feel in control, so I make premature decisions in order to feel better, in order to feel stable. I know that whether I make the final cut or not, this experience would have nurtured and grown me, regardless. I understand that I am safe, I have now begun to validate myself. One of the main things that I am trying to cultivate in myself is structure and telling myself that it's okay to put effort in something and give the rest to God. Even if it may not be my desired outcome, I owe it to myself to have full closure. I refuse to live with regret, so now I choose to see things through. It's not always easy but I am always so grateful. Where I fall short or lapse into old habits, I journal to figure out why and how it happened. I, then pray and do my best to continue on my journey of growth. When it comes to opportunities that I seemingly have blown, thanks to self-sabotage, I pray, if I cannot get it out of my head, if I cannot seem to move on. I pray and I ask God for closure, I ask God for help and for a second chance, if it is His Will for me. 

People can bottomless pits, there is nothing wrong with only doing what is required of you 

I used to think (when I say used to I mean two hours ago!) that it's such a noble thing to be the good Samaritan. Forever helping, giving people things that they never asked for, just anticipating people's needs and meeting them, just because it's "the right thing to do". What I didn't know was that people can be like bottomless pits. Coming out of nowhere to take what you don't have to give. Boundaries are so important! Honestly, boundaries should be the word of the year for me because I need to learn how to set and enforce them respectfully! It's okay to help those, who actually need you, but know that people who need help ask for it and are more than happy to meet you halfway. You won't have to work alone to pull someone else up. There's a saying that says, " You cannot help a cow stand up unless, she helps herself up". In the same way, you cannot help someone who makes you do all the work. Let people go and focus on yourself, and the half-baked task that you left hanging in order to help them. I truly am speaking to myself on this point because my lack of boundaries is not helping me at all. 

Question of the week: How was your first month of Autumn/Spring?

I absolutely loved it! It reminded me why it is my favourite season. It is the perfect blend of summer and winter. I like both seasons but I cannot stand either temperature for too long, so Autumn is the breath of fresh air that I need before bracing myself for winter. Will it feel like winter or summer tommorrow? Who knows, we'll just have to wait and see! 😂❤️

I pray that April was good to you, Friends! What has the month of April taught you? 

All my love

Ruthy ❤️