We are back for part 2 because you know that I love a good series!
Picking up where we (emotionally) left off last week. I actually took my own advice (for once!) and what an emotional week it has been!
I had a conversation with my mother earlier this week and throughout the conversation, I mentioned that I have daddy issues and my mom's response was so pivotal. She said that I have a daddy and he has issues. That is so emotional to me because I know the pain of feeling flawed or never enough because my father never stayed. Beginning the journey to healing is painful because I know that I have to because I want to heal.
You are not the problem that you struggle with. You are not the hurt, the pain or the abandonment. Do not describe yourself as such, rather remove yourself from the issue, admitting that it still exists but not allowing it to alter your value or being. I have a daddy and he has issues and that has hurt me but with God's grace and work, I will heal. I am not a woman with daddy issues but rather a woman who has a father with issues, notice the difference?
Doing my own homework this week was so hard because I was sad for almost the whole week! Truly, it was weird, not pretending to be happy all the time. I also joined my college's choir and it has been such a sanctuary, (if you can't already tell by the almost 60 000 minutes that I spent on Spotify last year! 😂❤️). I truly love music and the performing arts. I am able to immerse myself in this world where nothing else matters except the song that I am learning or the character that I am potraying or the script that I am writing.
I love how it's such a safe place that allows me to improve, to practice an art that I love but it is also an environment that allows me to come as I am. It is such a beautiful and safe outlet and I am so grateful for it.
We all have an outlet, be it good or bad. I implore you to find and cultivate yourself to find healthier coping mechanisms and stress relievers. I know from experience that sometimes all you want to is peace, safety, love and to be able to forget all the pain if only for a short period of time. Know that feeling this way is completely normal, expect it, don't fight it. Rather find ways to heal, without running away because when you run and skip steps, life makes you trip later on. It's not always worth it.
Please know that this differs depending on your situation and if your life or sanity, or safety are being threatened, don't stay under the guise of 'self-development' or 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger'. Sometimes what doesn't kill you, leaves you mentally ill, we don't talk about this enough.
Let's continue with our homework from last week, I believe that it will help us, eventually! Homework of week: Do your best this week to leave fear behind and allow yourself to grieve, without the fear of being broken but let's also find a healthier outlet and perhaps rediscover our passions, even if we are afraid.
Let's talk again, on Sunday 💕.
All my love❤️
Ruthy
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